Is my boy friend gay?

We've been together for a few months now, but we've known each other for years. He's from the wes coast and I'm from the east, so, I don't know if thats the reason or not. My b/f wants me to put on a y leather outfit and beat/whip him with chains, choke him, slap him around, tell him he's a bad boy, and basically dominate the hell out of him! ... Is that seriously normal? I always thought the man should be dominate in bed and this kinda weirds me out and grosses me out a bit..... also, its little things like when we go to the movies he wants to put his head on my shoulder and have me put my arm around him??? I'm from VA and most guys here would think that were gay. Do you guys think he's gay and doesn't know it? How can I get him to be more of the 'man' in the relationship? ... I talked to him about it once and he was all defensive and basically said that women wanted liberation and when we are treated like equals we complain about it???? Is he gay and doesn't know it?